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I moved to Berlin in January this year and lived there for eight months, in which I gained and lost three jobs, two boyfriends, and one flat. Clearly, I had a whale of a time. Nonetheless, it's not quite as wonderful as the media would have you believe. Here's what I wish someone had told me beforehand:

1. The Berlin startup scene is a total bubble

It is without a doubt a 'scene': people value being part of it, they socialise within it, use startup buzzwords like UX and MVP, and in the process they cut off access to outsiders. Some people don't actually know what startups are. Seriously. When I first got a whiff of the startup scene, I was intrigued, and I think I started emitting some kind of hormone and was quickly dragged into its orbit.

2. Wearing a tiger onesie to work isn't necessarily a smart plan

This one I should have been able to work out for myself. Morale was low in the office as the future of our startup (Gidsy) was uncertain, and a tiger suit seemed like an excellent idea at the time. As it turns out, that was the day I was made redundant. So that was awkward. Lesson learned.

3. Nobody has a real job

Admittedly, people tried to warn me. Like a relationship with a dodgy new boyfriend, I said: "Oh but it'll be different with me". It's not different. Proper, full-time jobs are few and far between, everybody else works weird hours for low pay, has various "projects" on the go which never materialise, and goes out on Sunday nights until 5am. It's a totally unsustainable (if highly enjoyable) lifestyle.

4. It's possible to fall down the party hole

Clubs stay open from Friday until Monday, so it's no wonder that people don't have real jobs. In fact, from my tireless field research, I've concluded that clubs are open all week too. Sometimes you find yourself coming home at 7am on a Wednesday, wondering what you're doing with your life. Spotting a man with a syringe doesn't help.